Shemmue Saga
by Super Blind Man
Summary: Follow the characters of Shemmue through some weird adventures, and watch the hilarity unfold!
1. The adventures of Ryo

The Fun-filled Adventures of Ryo Hazuki  
  
One blustery day, Joy threw Ryo Hazuki a surprise birthday party. Hazuki was very happy to see his friends, and to recieve his presents, the first of which was a sword handguard made of sheepskin. "Thank you," he said in his usual manner.  
"You're welcome," said master Lee Shao Tao in reply.  
"Here!" Du Lin said as he handed Ryo his present. "I'm putting it down!"  
"Sure," Ryo said.  
Ryo opened Du Lin's present, and revealed a Ryo and Du Lin Forever friendship bracelet with an inscription: We make the perfect pair.  
"Du Lin," Ryo said. "What is this? Um, excuse me? Is there something you're not telling me?"  
"Left!" cried Du Lin pointing to the purple earing in his left ear.  
"Sure," Ryo said simply.  
"I'll let you open my present," said Jenmen. (Are you kidding? Do you actually think that I know how to spell these names? You've got another think coming if you do.) "But first, you must spar with me. It will help me learn your style of Kung Fu."  
"No, I'd better not," Ryo said after thinking for a few seconds. It was interesting that the direction right suddenly popped in his head when he said that. Not that it was the first time that happened. One day he was trying to keep this girl from stabbing him with a knife. He did it, but as he was doing it, the words down right A appeared in his brain. "What does it mean?" he had thought at the time.  
Hey Row," Wong said to him. "Row, what about my present?"  
"Wong," Ryo said. "Sure. I would like a present."  
Wong gave Ryo a box. When Ryo opened it up, a brand new lighter was revealed. "Yeah," Hazuki said.  
"Hey kid," called Renn of Heavens.  
"Renn!" Ryo shouted just as he used to when he was chasing Renn.  
"I don't have a present for you," Renn said.  
"Huh?" asked Hazuki.  
"I said I don't have a present for you. Don't you think I've given you enough already? I mean, you got my tape recorder, you got my hideout, what more do you want?"  
"Uh, nothing," Ryo said.  
"HEY RYO!" yelled Joy. "ARE YOU GOING TO OPEN MY PRESENT YET OR WHAT?"  
"Joy," Ryo said with all the enthusiasm he could muster. "Please, where is your present."  
"IT'S OVER THERE!" Joy replied.  
"Can you give me directions?" asked Ryo politely.  
"TURN RIGHT AT THAT BIRTHDAY CAKE OVER THERE!" Joy said.  
"Right at the birthday cake... I got it. Thanks."  
Ryo stumbled and staggered through the pile of presents until he reached the birthday cake. He had six QTE sequences in between when he got up and when he arrived at the cake. He turned right and saw a huge box that was labeled JOY'S PRESENT! IT was definitely her handwriting. "Joy's present... it's here," said Hazuki stating the obvious.  
It was quite a large box. It was the biggest of the bunch and Hazuki had to get some help from Du Lin to carry it over by everyone else. "Left left right left right left right right left left left!" Du Lin said on the way. Thankfully, Ryo was the king of QTE, so this was easy.  
Ryo finally got to the rest of the people, but only after Du Lin assured him of the fact that they were putting it down. Ryo opened the box to reveal the most unexpected thing. There was barely anything in it. All the way at the bottom, though, were two things. It was the two photographs that the annoying photographer had taken of them. "Oh no," Ryo said. he hated those pictures.  
Suddenly Ryo had a QTE. Caught off guard by the two ugly pictures, he didn't notice until it was too late. He failed the QTE and Yuan stabbed him with a long knife. Ryo died there, and he went to that great main menu screen in the sky. 


	2. Yuan's big Adventure

Ryo Hazuki Loads his Game Also known as the Adventures of Yuan  
  
When Ryo Hazuki loaded his game and appeared back at the party, he made sure he didn't look at those pictures for very long, and he thus passed the QTE and continued onward. When the QTE had been passed, he turned around and grabbed the knife from Yuan. He then proceeded to throw it farther than he had thrown that little boy deamon thing. "Hooya!" he said as he threw the knife.  
"I'll get you someday, ahhh, ahh oh," said Yuan as she ran for the door. ON the way, she tripped over her own feet and fell flat on her face. She tried to pass it off by doing a summersault when she landed, making it look like she had flipped on purpose. Unfortunately for Yuan, she accidentally kicked the underside of a lit lava lamp when she rolled and it toppled forward on her. She was in trouble.  
She screamed more loudly than she already was. She screamed that she was on fire and that somebody better help her right this instant. "On fire! On fire!" cried her bird which had suddenly flown through the window.  
"Use your Kung Fu," master Lee Shao Tao said.  
"Huh?" Ryo asked. "You mean, I should use my Kung Fu to stop her from burning?"  
"No," said the master. "I meant that you should use your Kung Fu to increase the flame."  
"Huh? You want me to kill her? Sure. I guess if that is what I must do."  
"No," Lee Shao Tao said disgusted. "I was just trying to give you something to help your life a little. You must increase the flame inside of you. TO do this, you need Kung Fu. Now concentrate."  
"Yeah," said Ryo.  
"Stop jabbering and help me," Yuan cried.  
"I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!" Ryo suddenly yelled with an enthusiasm that he had never before shown. "IM TALKING TO THE MASTER HERE."  
Yuan was getting nice and crispy by this time, and she just refused to die. She got up and ran at Ryo. She was still on fire and she was trying to burn him. Ryo had another QTE and he passed it. When he did, Yuan ran passed him as Ryo did a completely unnecessary flurry of kicks, dodges, and rolls that completely missed anyone and everything including Yuan. Yuan crashed through the window and began the slow plummit to her death. "I did it," said Ryo.  
Well basically, she didn't die. The wind that blew by her as she fell somehow put out the fire, and then she had the good luck to land in the arms of Renn, who had quietly slipped out with Wong just as he saw that Ryo was going to be stabbed. "What are you doing here?" asked Renn as he looked her over, which was pretty difficult considering her looks.  
"I'm burnt," she cried. "Oh I'm burnt."  
As it turns out, she wasn't actually burnt at all. Her flashy clothing and lots of jewelry had somehow protected her. It was those things that were nice and crispy, and if she had been in that fire any longer, she may have actually started burning. "Your fine," Renn said.  
After he said this, he proceeded to punch her in the back and throw her thousands of feet into the air. This last was a move he had learned from Ryo Hazuki. "Why did you do that," Yuan yelled at Renn as she flew away.  
"You are our enemy after all. You are trying to kill us. What did you expect."  
Yeah," said Ryo who had just jumped out the window and landed on his feet right next to Renn.  
"Row!" cried Wong. "What are you thinking jumping out windows like that?"  
"Wong," said Ryo. "Um, why did you sneak out with Renn just now?"  
"Why do you think he snuck out?" asked Renn. "He's one of us after all."  
"Oh, right," said Ryo. "Renn."  
"Yeah, what?"  
"I'd like to ask you something. Where is Du Lin and everybody else that was at the party?"  
"Here," Ryo heard Du Lin call from the window above him.  
"We were quietly watching you the whole time," called Lee Shao Tao. "You were using your Kung Fu well."  
"YEAH!" cried Joy. "YOU REALLY KICKED SOME BUTT! WELL, YOU WOULD HAVE IF RENN HADN'T DONE IT FOR YOU, BUT THAT JUMP OUT THE WINDOW WAS GREAT!"  
"Sure," said Ryo. "Renn."  
"What now?" Renn asked wishing that Ryo would get more quickly to the point when he spoke.  
"Where's Yuan? Which way did you throw her?"  
"That way," Renn said pointing. "In the direction of Wan Zai."  
"But we're in Cow Loon," said Ryo. "Do you really think you threw her that far?"  
"Are you kidding? Did you not se how far you threw that deamon boy? I was right there in the shadows watching you."  
"Oh no," said Ryo sounding honestly concerned. "Was anyone else watching?"  
"Not that I know of," said Renn. "Why do you ask?"  
"Because I was trying to kill him. I don't know why, but something just gave me an incredible urge to attack him. I couldn't resist. Master Lee Shao Tao would not be happy if she knew."  
"Oh, I see."  
"Renn," asked Ryo. When Renn didn't say anything, Ryo once again said "Renn."  
"WHAT?" Renn yelled. "Man, can't you say anything without getting a response from somebody first?"  
"Is Yong Da Zu on the seventh floor?"  
"What are you talking about?" Renn asked confused now. "That's got to be the stupidest question you've ever asked."  
"I'm sorry," said Ryo.  
As for Yuan, she did land in Wan Zai. In fact, she landed in the Green Market Quarter, and then she bounced back up into the air only to fly through the door of the Come Over Guesthouse as the door was being opened by the owner so he could close up for the night. She plowed right into him and one of the knives she carried ripped through her clothes and stabbed him in the stomach. He would die five minutes later. The worst part was, he didn't even get a QTE. 


End file.
